I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I have post one night stand depression
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