He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I want her autograph on my taint
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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