i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Did we literally take a cab across the street
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
