I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
