I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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