You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
