Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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