I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
