I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
