i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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