Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
