Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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