A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
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