At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
