wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He? As in you personified your dick?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
