Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
