omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
