I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
