I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
