I hate all girls vehemently.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
