Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
