I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
