Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
