i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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