I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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