Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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