If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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