Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
