I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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