I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
