even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
