just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
