and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
