Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
