I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
