Dude my mom stole all your condoms
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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