Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
