Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
