is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
