New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
