i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
