Will you blow on my dice?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
