We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
