first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
