Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I want her autograph on my taint
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
