my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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