I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
