He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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