AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
