your parents love me but you hate me
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Who did Billy Mays play for?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
