Im at strip club and am horny
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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