She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Randomize
