So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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