I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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