I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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