you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
